how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My dick has a subreddit
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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