where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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