Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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