there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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