I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
