i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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