I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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