Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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