Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
