u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
