my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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