I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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