I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
