There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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