How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
