I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
