I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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