Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
