just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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