I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
