The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
