didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
