Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
