We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
