well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
