i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
