i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
