Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
