she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
