well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
