Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
