The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
