they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
