yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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