And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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