found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
