What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
