There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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