Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
