Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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