I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
