I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
