you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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