I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
