god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
