nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
3pm strippers are depressing
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
