If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
