i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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