i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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