He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
