it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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