My cat gives me a boner
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Damn victory sex feels great
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My feet surprised me
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