I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
