I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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