Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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