"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
