i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
