Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
