too bad you live with your parents still
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
