Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
