just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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